If your parents are beyond the age of 75, it’s possible they may need assistance with daily chores and activities. But, as an adult child, how do you know if aging parents need help? How can you determine their independent living ability without insulting an inherent need to feel respected? And if you determine it’s time for them to move into your home or vice versa, what changes can you make to benefit them? It isn’t easy to open up this discussion with the parents who cared for you as a child, but it’s necessary.
To help you start the conversation, ORKA shares a few warning signs that your elderly parent requires more than a weekly phone call.
Mail has been left unopened for weeks. One of the first signs your parents may be losing their ability to manage their household is bills piling up or the mailbox going unchecked. This may indicate that this task, along with managing finances, has become overwhelming.
The house is a wreck. While a sink full of dishes every once in a while is nothing to worry about, a continually unclean—or unsanitary—home may indicate parents have lost their desire to maintain order. This could lead to a dangerous situation due to an increased risk of falling caused by clutter.
The refrigerator contains months-old food. When cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping become cumbersome, outdated food may wind up the only thing in the refrigerator. Seniors with cognitive decline may inadvertently consume outdated meat, cheese, milk, fruits, or vegetables and wind up in the hospital with food poisoning or gastrointestinal disturbances.
Pots and pans are scorched. Short-term memory loss can lead seniors to forget they are in the middle of cooking dinner. Pots and pans may show signs of scorching or have food burnt onto the cooking surface.
Personal hygiene is no longer a priority. Physical issues, such as arthritis, along with mental conditions, such as dementia, may trigger a sudden disinterest in bathing, brushing teeth, or, for women, wearing makeup and doing their hair. Look for signs of declining personal hygiene, such as wearing the same clothes multiple times each week, dirty nails, and body odor.
Missed appointments. Whether due to inability to drive or lack of transportation, multiple missed doctor appointments are an issue. Likewise, forgetting to take daily medication may indicate memory loss or depression. Products like The Talking and Recordable Alarm Clock by ORKA can help you set reminders so scheduled medications won’t be missed.
Maneuvering through the home has become difficult. Steep steps, poorly lit hallways, and slippery floors can inhibit the ability of seniors to safely inhabit their own home.
Inappropriate behavior. Early Alzheimer’s disease may take the form of a sudden change in behavior, and often for the worst. Pay attention to the way your elderly parent dresses and the way he or she interacts with friends and family.
What you can do
If you choose to move aging parents into safer accommodations, you can make modifications to either your home or your lifestyle to allow them to maintain some independence, which will be a boost to their self-esteem. One way to do this is through a dementia-care service dog that accompanies seniors throughout their day.
If you’re unsure about their abilities or state of mind, you could move in for a short while to get a better read on the situation. Or, if you currently work from home, you could migrate your office setup to your parents’ house temporarily. Try to implement the same boundaries during your work hours as you do at home, but also make a point to carve out time to spend with your parents. Do your best to make sure they understand you’re not spying on them, and that you only want to be present to make sure you can help them in the best way possible.
Another option is to have them move into your home. This can be a temporary situation if you’re trying to get their house ready for sale before finding them a dedicated home that meets their needs. You may need to do this to help pay for their new living costs.
Remember, it is not uncommon for older adults to resist change. After all, they have been alive much longer than you and served as your caretaker until you became an adult. However, to ensure your aging parents’ safety, it may be necessary to discuss new living arrangements. Elizz offers a great deal of advice on how to handle the topic without creating tension. Whatever the decision, remember to approach the subject with love, compassion, and respect.